Hainan Hotel Rules

So let me get this straight I can’t get drunk but debauchery and calligraphy is OK

Release the stereo!

Please report any passengers that seem relaxed to the authorities.

Who released the tall and big stereo? It takes us forever to catch that thing.

I like to be massage by the same sex. Is that okay?

We had a few problems with radioactive hookers camping out in the guest rooms.

Get your hands off my security organ!

But I AM the opposite sex!

Honest officer, I had no idea she was a constellation. She told me she was a nebula. (The more I try to explain, the Messier it gets.)

If you see any fight going on, by all means do not disturb it. And please do not write about it in calligraphic script!

Tall and big stereo? I know the guy, he always disturbs fighting!

Positively no propagation. Maxwell’s laws do not apply inside this hotel.

Can I pizza?

Sir, drop the calligraphy brush on the floor and put your hands on your head, or we will open fire.

Hand over your money, firearms, bible, any radioactive materials, your other sex, and images of the gods. Or else you’re conceited to lose.

Except for the fist fight and the radioactivity this sounds like a real fun evening.

You’ll get my security organ when you pry it from my cold dead hands. You dam dirty apes.

Hey there constellation, What are you doing tonight? So whats your sign?

Security organ? Oh, you mean Dick Tracy.

Nobody likes a starf—er.

GOD! All the things I like doing are banned.
Especially seducing the constellation. I really enjoy kinky sex with aliens.

The stove of the kerosene. Hahahahahahahahha.

♫O’ have you ever been, on the kerosene,
when the metho’s running low?♪

I think we’ll spend our vacation in Amish country instead.

But we’ll leave the light on for you!

Massage by opposite sex is forbidden. If you want a massage, please go to room 108:

https://engrish.com/2012/08/why-oh-why-2/

Frank Burns: I must be Amish because I can’t imagine being kept awake by all that insanity at 3 AM when I’m trying to actually sleep. Because I have to be up at 4 AM to milk the cows, ha ha.

If it is “conceited to lose” I wonder what the attitude of a winner is?

Rules # 1, 2, 3 and from 9 on are simply forbidden.

small, squat stereos are ok though. so don’t forget your Bose

I’m glad gay “old fashion’s” are still allowed….

I may not be able to define it, but I know calligraphy when I see it!

Hand over the public security organ? Never!

You can come over and seduce my constellation anytime!

@Frank Burns: I think the constellation’s a Virgo.

That calligraphy is the worst.

Any time I lose, I’m more pissed off than conceited.

I’ve been a passenger on this hotel for days. When does it reach the first station so I can get off?

If you propagate obscene, does it turn into a large bush?

All knives and swords must be handed to the public security piano.

Warning: Rape and seduction of constellations may cause Cancer.

There’s a ring of calligraphers in my neighbourhood. They’d be doing the perp walk in Hainan. We could learn a lot from our Hainanese friends.

Welcome to the Hotel Hainan. You can always check in but you can never rest.

Honestly, Officer, Miss Andromeda approached me. And then Perseus turned up and upset the public order.

PS. If anyone is found stoned, take it up with Perseus.

@Droll Not Troll: Must be all the cosmic radiation in Orion’s Belt.

Sounds like the rules for the parliament of the universe from Neil Gaiman’s “Sandman” books. Will Dream, Desire, Delight, Despair, Death, and Killalla of the Glow show up?

Some folks are fighting in the hotel and I want to influence them to have a rest instead, but that’s against two clauses of rule 7.

So you’re forbidden to fist-fight (rule #6) but if a fight does start, you’re forbidden to disturb it (rule #7). Sure. Sounds legit.

My girlfriend had to be turned over to the security organ: she’s hypertoxic, loves painting superstition, was carrying cooking utensils including the stove, released a tall and big stereo, and is of the opposite sex. To add insult to injury, she was trying to break up fights and influencing people to rest! I hope they treat her okay. I’ve heard nasty rumors about the security organ’s calligraphy.