Takes the edge off energy drinks…

The se-date bar is also popular.

Recommended as a snack when you’ve been fasting.

Better than Slowbarf, I guess.

The Bourbon Slowbar – proudly managed by sloths since 1929.

Don’t walk around with them in you pocket.

So the banana’s a bit stiff.

You only get chocolate on your banana, when you have really lousy aim.

Endorsed by Slowhand himself.

The tasty treat for the rehab set.

it’s a cookie, it’s a cake, it’s a bar

Also available in Sterno©, Mad Dog 20/20© and 10W/30.

Gnaw slowly to prevent dental damage.

Seamen — Take the Slowbarge to taste-bud bliss!

In rugged outdoor tests, 9 out of 10 hikers and survivalists prefer scented candles.

The Gin-and-Tonic bar doubles as a hair ointment.

For extra slowness, try the Singapore Slingshot.

The Tequila Sunrise flavor makes morning-hangover-mouth preferable.

The Fuzzy Navel bar helps fuzzy tongue syndrome from the night before.

The 181-Rum flavor? It’s called StoppedBar.

The Screwdriver flavor comes in regular and Phillips Milk of Amnesia.

Want some brute-force rye taste? Try the WryBar PryBar.

Easy, buddy — this thing ain’t fast food, y’know.

Illegal to drink and drive… or eat this in the fast lane.

The bar is so high,
and inside you cry.
Cossbars & crowbars,
you’re feeling fubar.
Get you some Slowbar.

Ask verrry slowly for our ReallySlow Sloe Gin Fizz flavor!

Looks like the slow-food movement has finally caught up to on-the-go nutrition bars.