Housing brochure from China

They must be pretty expensive…

It’s a shame, the snack bar is so convenient, but it’s all fried food.

“Yes, I’m calling to inquire about the Quadruple Bypass Estates?”

You’ll love our apartments to death!

Views so spectacular they’ll literally take your breath away!

Our low rates and affordable financing will leave you utterly speechless!

Home is where the heart … was?

…and your little dog, too!

Every home-makers dream demolished.

It’s an outfit for a hitman

Heart is where the home is

Just down the street from Middle Age Crisis Apts and Menopause Estates!

Brilliant money making scheme……

aneurisms extra

*Rooms without balconies excluded. Fee assessed upon completion of transaction.

I think my doctor attended Med school classes here.

House built by Edgar Allan Poe, with a tell tale heart under every floor board.

…and your liver taken hostage!

Be sure to leave your name and picture on the table.
– Kira

(a Death Note reference)

Your spleen, however, will remain secure.

I told my boss to purchase a unit.

but your brain will remain unharmed if you follow these simple rules…

In case of heart attack, please provide a detailed description of the offender to security. For your safety, don’t fight back.

Ah, I get it. Directions to the Heartbreak Hotel.

Resistance is futile.

You mean it wasn’t a stroke I was experiencing?

Not suitable for people over 60 years or older.

Your heart will then be able to claim compensation, no win no fee…

..and every appendix will be ruptured.

PRC, CPR, whatever.

Not suitable for the faint-hearted.

Pre-drafted will, revocable living trust and two-witnesses package is included.

*Heart will only be attacked when it misbehaves. If it breaks any rules of the building, expect a cardiac arrest.

Then I guess it’s a good thing I was born a Spade.

The vampire hunters in this complex are EXTRA parinoid!

Obese people on one side, vampires on the other.

Call in the next 10 minutes, and we’ll throw in heart failure absolutely free!

“Yes, now you can die in the home of your dreams!”

Conveniently located just a few feeble beats away from the hereafter!

Home is where the heart is… ATTACKED!

And if you act now you’ll get a free stroke to go with your deal.

The only question is when.

If the apartment you want is taken- come back tomorrow and it will be available.

Better than Death Note.

No elevators……

resistance is futile !

One year lease contract with full payment in advance required. No exceptions.

This is not a brochure, it’s a matter of National Security!

I guess using that storyline for Kingdom Hearts 1 and 2 still just wasn’t enough for them…

Free defibrillator in every room.