Gee your hair smells delicious…

Good, because my hair is vegan.

Help – my shampoo is full of vegetables !

I submitted my tender for hair and skin, but here I am, still bald and debrided.

I don’t need this product. I’ve been in the soup often enough.

As opposed to an extract from unnatural vegetables?

A caesar might be a problem

So what dressing would you like.

We have no morels. Lettuce pea on your body.

Directions: Rinse. Roast. Eat. Repeat.

Caution: Vegetables may be livelier after first soaking.

Serving suggestion only; do not place mouth on hot, all-natural plastic spigot.

Note: Vegetables enhanced by science to simulate natural flavor.

Warning: Consume, then baste head and bake at 350° for one hour before self-burial.

Serving Suggestion: All-natural flavor packet safe to use with all artificial vegetable mixes.

Legal notice: Food may be habit-forming.

NOTICE: Do not taunt formula of natural vegetable extract.

Danger: Eat tenderized hair separately from loose skin.

May contain mechanically-separated vegetable bioengineers.

Soylent Beige™ is made of lawyers.

Insert additional coins for more fiber.

Legally-mandated label statement: Vegetable formula bioengineered to enable maximum corporate profit extraction from human hosts.

WARNING: Vend at own risk Do not expose formula to open air. Do not inhale. Use only with irradiated tongs. Biohazard if not consumed within 4 minutes of mixing.

Push once for sure, push twice for not on your life.

Do not eat until vegetable extract has come to a full stop.

Strong enough for biochemists, but made for unsuspecting diners.™

To use vegetable extract as hand soap, apply three drops to palms and slowly move hands together while in prayer. Good luck!

Caution: SuperExtract 6000™ forms an unbreakable bond within seconds. Do not permanently weld naive internal / external body parts together for all eternity without DissolveAll 6000™ solution [sold separately and at exorbitantly high cost] nearby before using.

Approved safe for external use only on a once-yearly basis ONLY.

Better living through inadvertent exfoliation! ™

♬♫ 
Love me extract, love me swell
Never let me steep.
You have made my life complete
And I smell like hell…
♪♫

[ apologies to Love Me Tender ]

No thanks, my hair smells better with the scent of fruit extract.