Some kids on the naughty list simply disappear…

Vicious reindeers.

So the elves had something to do with this

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, AND HE’S COMING TO GET YOU!

My beard is black, there’s an MP5 in my sack…

How would you like to wake up on Christmas morning with a black Peter?

Not enough Elf and Safety

Watch out for Santa’s slay!

Now, Basher, now Lancer, now Pranger and Vicious, on Comet, on Stupid, on Donger and Blitzen…

He simply slays ’em in the aisles.

… only to reappear in a secret slave labour camp in Area 51.

We’ll cut you up, and put you in your stocking, and dump you in the forest.

A bag of hammers…?

A Christmas Carrion ?

– Merry Christmas !
– How dare you…I’ll see you in court !

KKK choir singing “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas”.

A clear and present danger.

O.K. I’ll take the lump of coal.

Three absolutely gorgeous black ladies come down this young white bloke’s chimney scantily clad – almost – in Santa Claus suits. They chorus; “We are your Christmas Genies.” They tie him to his bed and triple team him for a couple of hours. Then they untie him, and tell him he can have is way with them, if he is still up for it. He surprises himself by not only being “up for it”, but performs mightily for the next few hours. When they are about to leave, he cheekily asks. “Don’t I get a present as well?” The three… Read more »

@DnT 0519 The corollary to your KKK choir.

Actually! I realise I did not finish the story:

Then they vanish, leaving only their giggling behind, tinkling like silver bells on the cool night air.

♫ You better watch out, you better not cry
You better not pout, I’m telling you why
Satan Claus is comin’ to town! ♫

…..Or you’ll end up with a severed reindeer head in your bed!

Christmas? But it’s so reminiscent of Halloween.
TRICK or THREAT !

He sees you when you’re sleeping
He knows when you’re awake
He knows if you’ve been bad or good….
To the safe room! RUN!

He sees you when you’re sleeping
He knows when you’re awake
He sees you when you touch yourself
And he loves that face you make!

@Peter Chan: Of course! It’s a bag of Halloween leftovers!

A Christmas Ode to Paranoiacs:

Silent night,
Deadly night,
Can’t stay calm,
Can’t sit tight,
Locked the door, got my gun,
You intruders are in for some fun,
Sleep, or I’ll fire my piece,
Sleep, or rest in peace!

Realized after I posted that my last two lines above would have been better if I’d phrased them:

“Freeze, or I’ll fire my piece!”
“Freeze, or you’ll rest in peace!”

But alas, this kind of fogginess is what happens to Pete when he wakes up in the wee hours of the morning and can’t go back to sleep due to indigestion and heartburn from overly greasy pizza for dinner!

He’s makin’ a list,
He’s givin’ ’em lead,
He’s gonna find out who’s alive and who’s dead