Proactive Shredder

For the extremely depressed!

Whatever you shred, it makes you a happy life

And I thought shredding was pretty much the opposite of creation.

Explanation of the icons: 1. Do not shred your hands. 2. Do not shred teddy bears with hats. 3. Do not shred tubas.

Obviously, they have a somewhat different take on the “Pro-Life” stance.

Now I understand what it means for ” happy wife, happy life”.

@Dr Lex: I thought it meant ginger bread men, myself

They forgot to mention genitals, so I can only assume that it is fine – if not essential – to put them into the happy life creator, in order for it to work

This is where Elisa Baker went wrong…

This product is approved by Lorena Bobbitt

Please do not insert your progenitor digit.

At last, the new proactive shredder. No more wasting time feeding paper into a passive device. This model hunts down and consumes any paper, that is left lying around for more than two hours. Comes with self-emptying waste tray.

And God Said, Let Us Shred

Obey the icons:
No Hands
No VooDoo Dolls
No Corn Cobs

Turning crank backwards will result in death, destruction and despair.
Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

stress relief…for the inner nut job in everyone

For God’s initial sketches of Adam and Eve…

That is what I call it, but that’s not where I insert it.

Sh*t, but if I can’t use my hands then how can I create more happy?? D:

however, you can shred your language beyond recognition, just not to include hands, ginger bread teddy bears or tubas made of corn cobs

mom, is this where baby comes from?

Yeah, that’s what Enron thought!

Don’t you mean Paper murderer?