I think we all know what is growing with Pay-TV…

You understand? It is settled, then.

Is KY Jelly also sold at the bathroom vending machine?

Even after it grows it’s still the size of a button. Makes me depressed…

Sooo, I buy a card from the bathroom, I politely ask the timer to begin, then I grow with a button, To settle this I will have my senses drained and finally engange in a never-ending recycling process.
Easy!

Can’t I just use my credit card instead?

They film foreigners trying to follow these instructions as part of the new Japanese game show, Vacation Mind Maze.

Excuse me, I’m not very good at Engrish, could you explain what I need to do to watch pay-TV? I can’t seem to understand the instructions…

Can’t I just have Ms. Porn clean my room instead?

…but if I’m already watching the program, why do I need to select it again?

Okay, I’m seeing the TV card patterns aloft! Quick! Set the timer and let’s begin!

maybe I’ll just read a book…

“TV cards?!?! We don’t need no stinkin’ TV cards!!”

When color TV came around, all that meant is 2 more knobs. Now, digital TV is about as easy to understand for some people as these instructions.

See no evil, Hear no evil, Pay to viewing…

Guy gets a boner, runs out of his room, and goes up a flight of stairs to get the pay tv card. Runs back down to his room. Realizes he forgot his room key. Runs to the ffront dexk, gets a new key. Runs back to his room. Sits on the bed and realizes his boner is gone, hes to damn tired and falls asleep.

So what do I do if I want to go to the second floor bathroom? The entrance is a card sale machine.

My “seeing and hearing” aren’t exactly what I want to be drained when watching Pay TV.

Wow, I thought “Going blind” was just a wives’ tale, but the fourth point clears says that seeing and hearing are drained.

The second floor bathroom that is referred to here is actually the site of that famous Marcel Duchamp ready-made urinal.

Perhaps after we’ve drained your seeing and hearing we will take your soul as well. Mwahahaha…..

Or maybe I’ll just click that Manga ad with the hot schoolgirl. Yes, that seems simpler. It is settled.

PAY-TV OPERATIONING INSTRUCTION Formally before get to television, please set first your card sale machine of the second floor bathroom entrance for obtain the piece of 1000 yen automatically. 1. Enter the programme neighbor, choose to belong to sex and with the opposite should of the native television card conjunction; 2. Native conjunction of right shot, the choice belong to sex,finding out the agreement of TELEVISION(PAY-TV) 3. Grow the button of Pay-TV with wireless remote controller and entering the agreement of TELEVISION belong to sexframe, choosing the automation to obtaining the address of channel and obtain the card timer assurance… Read more »

Honestly, do we have to buy a TV card EVERY time you look at that damn TV!?

This is exactly why I don’t have a television set. That, and my internet connection doesn’t require a TV licence either! 🙂

[Looks in Japanese-English phrase book] Nope…Can’t figure that one out even if I translate straight from the Japanese! 😮

Oh well…Thank the Gods for Freeview! 🙂

Approximate English translation: 🙂 1. Purchase a 1000 Yen viewing card from the machine at the entrance to the bathroom on the second floor. 2. Hold card above your head and wave around, as if drawing a rectangle in the air in front of the card-timer slot. Once this is complete, you are ready to begin. 3. Please select the programme that you wish to view. Once this is done, you must have the honest desire to grow alongside the Pay-TV buttons on the TV remote control in order to continue. 4. Although the transaction is supposed to be settled… Read more »

I’m sure that I’ve seen similar instructions in the Ryanair in-flight magazine relating to their on-board entertainment services. To put it bluntly, ye just keep on paying and paying and paying for “entertainment” taped off of free to air satellite about ten years before! 🙂

Interestingly enough, the same instructions were written on the following page in Braille! 😮

Just call reception and have them send up a couple of hookers.
They’re really good at translating these instructions.

Good thing I brought 52 cards. Now I don’t need the d@mn TV!!!

The horrible thing is, that I worked in a technical field all my life. The technical manuals were written this way too. I grow with all instructions more confused be.

Mommy always told me it’d make me go blind.

Hello, front desk? Yes, I’ve been trying to find the wireless controller button to make myself grow but none of them seem to be working. I thought I’d found it for a while but it turned out to just be the button for channel 1.

Wha if 4 or more Ps want to grow?

This is why i rent DVDS when travelling abroad

One piece of 1000 yen? I can get a piece of something else for that money.

Is there another card sale machine I can buy a television card besides the one of the second floor bathroom entrance? Last time I bought a card here P.1 and P.2 showed nothing but Pottycams! Who owns these card machines anyway… *checks* Luffy D. Monkey… shoulda known.

I watched a Yogi Bear cartoon on one of these, once:

Yogi: Hollo Boo Boo get some Fick Nick wicker basket and?

Boo-Boo: No, the yogi and Mr. Ranger patrolling expense great ambition us a thing which will get angry!

Skip the television, these instructions are all I need for entertainment tonight!

When I look at Pay Television…
…I’m just as confused as I am after reading tose instructions.

When I look at Pay Television…
…I’m just as confused as I am after reading those instructions.

PayTV card at bathroom door entrance makes me angry when it’s aloft & drained.

Never mind, I’ll read a book.

Why can’t seeing and hearing be drained from the porks PRIOR to understanding the operating instructions.

Is this somebody’s report of watching tv in japanese hotel??
who wrote this??

I’d like my reading medium rare, please! And can I also get a wired remote controller? Thanks!

Where’s the toilet machine?