Roll that mattress for me, honey…

But I can smoke the carpet, right?

It’s a blanket ban.

If you want hot sex you need to do it on the floor.

I guess a bonk is out of the question then

I like my beds fresh

Cela n’est pas une pipe.

But I’m a light sleeper.

Well. I set my lady on fire regularly, but never yet the bed.

BTW. That smell of burning rubber – it’s not the mattress, it’s the condoms.

Not only bedbugs, they’ve got thermites.

Setting your lover om fire may well be an exothermic reaction. However, whilst it produces tremendous excitement of the molecules, to date, it has produced neither smoke nor flames.

How are we supposed to smoke the bed if it’s flame retardant?

@ Algernon 0410. If you ask for a “bunk” though, you might just get lucky. 👌

Can I smork it instead?

OK, I get it for dry-smoking.
But what about wet-smoking?
Y’know, like smoking fish.

How ’bout the room’s coffee or tea packs?
Can I smoke them?

Smoke the chesterfield instead.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chesterfield_(cigarette)

What had the translator been smoking?

SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING: Smoking causes cancer, impotence, increased risk of heart attack and stroke, and severe staining of teeth. But on the upside, if you should fall asleep while smoking, those same stained teeth may be helpful in identifying your remains. 🙂

i said roll me a blunt, not a bunk!

@Lora 0912. After forensic tests, they discovered his name was Chard.

@Pete. I observe, the Asians are not plagued by prepositional phrases, which have no relation to the object of the sentence. They cunningly leave out the preposition.

ie. I was accosted by a man in a wheelchair with no legs.

Brevity being the soul of wit, one could leave most words out

ie. People who live in glass houses….Shouldn’t.

In this case, the “shouldn’t” would apply to almost every activity undertaken in a “glass-house”. Thereby eliminating the need to list them individually.

We’re going to need a bigger ashtray.

What if the bed is made of hemp fabric”?

@EffEff.1505.

What hempen homespuns have we here.

(Shakespeare Act 3; Scene 1; Page 4: A Midsummer Nights Dream)

Slightly misquoted….To suit mine own ends. 😸

Smoking the water. instead

– Darling? It’s smokin’ hot here¬

@Pete | 6:26 am: Someone in the bed shouting :”OH COD!” ?

@Seventy2rd o clock | 3:21 pm : Smoking the water, firing this guy… 😉

@DNT 0411 . Deshalb. Dies is nicht eine Cigarette.

Hehehe Rauchen das Bett verboten. 💤

They are well marinated though.

“Drei Mann I’m Doppelbett”- song by the German band Trio.

Rub-a-dub-dub,
Three men in a tub.

EEEwwww! HOW UNSANITARY. 🙅